Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In launches today, and like any other plugged-in, ambitious twentysomething, I pre-ordered it and can’t wait to rip into the book that should be sitting in my mailbox right now. I find women’s workplace dynamics so interesting, and while that’s not the focus on Sandberg’s book per se, it’s certainly a part of it. I wrote the beginnings of this post back in November, frustrated by a few business interactions with women, but left it unpublished. I believe in being positive, after all, and there’s no reason to throw women under the bus and perpetuate the very cycle I’m railing against.
But a recent Wall Street Journal article reminded me of it: The Tyranny of the Queen Bee. The article focuses not exactly on the problems I was facing, but it still speaks to the challenges women in the workplace face—and create for each other.
First, let’s focus on the positive: there are some awesome networks of women in business out there. Sandberg is encouraging Lean In circles. Outside of business, there are awesome networks of women—my Box-n-1 basketball team is one of them: we build each other up and want each other to score, both because it helps our team and because we enjoy seeing each other succeed.
Back to business, one of my best friends hired me for a position equal to hers. We have different skill sets, but she wasn’t afraid to hire another smart, talented woman. Like the basketball team, she knew bringing me in would elevate her game and our team’s whole game.
But I am equally frustrated by the other networks of women in business, the ones who think that other women succeeding challenges their own success. Why are we holding each other down, as if that will help us succeed? It won’t.
Why do women let jealousy hold us back from recognizing greatness, both in ourselves and in others? Why do women attempt to use other women to get ahead?
Here, a mind-boggling story the Aspen newspaper has already written about… Long story short: I write, edit, and wrap the second-largest issue of Aspen Magazine of the year—with a supplement—in just two weeks. Despite the aforementioned court case, to this day I still have not received payment for my work.
The second what-are-we-women-doing-to-each-other?! instance came via a woman who approached me asking for a proposal for my services on her website. She loved my proposal, but followed up with “Oh, I can’t pay you. Don’t you want to see my project succeed?” When I declined to work for free, she implemented many of the ideas in the proposal anyway.
Would she have asked a man to work for free, much less in an extremely manipulative way? No. Women, let’s be honest, and open, and respectful.
Women, Get It Together. Respect. Build each other up.
We face enough challenges. Let’s not make more.