I’m doing it.
I’ve debated a lot about “telling” the blog. Because even though I’m doing the homeopathic HCG diet, it’s still a very controversial extremely low-calorie one. The even more controversial one uses injections of a pregnancy hormone. A trusted advisor suggested I do this homeopathic version of the HCG diet, and I’m nothing if not game for something new.
One of my friends asked, “why are you doing this? you’re the fittest person I know!”
I quipped, “Yeah, like I could lift a car, but you don’t want to look like me in a bikini.”
Which isn’t entirely fair to myself, true. I work out without my shirt on all the time, and I don’t hide myself in a towel when I get in a hot tub or pool. I wrote an essay in college about my body image issues that was met with much resistance from my creative writing peers because everyone was like, “you’re pretty! why do you care?”. Um. Here’s the thing, people: I’m not at MY ideal body shape. It’s my ideal, and it gets to be whatever I want. And if I didn’t work out hard and eat right, MY ideal might be different. But I do, and I look this way. So if this HCG diet creates significant weight loss, it could change that. If it doesn’t, maybe I stop working out. 🙂
What is HCG? Basically, it tricks your body into thinking that you are both pregnant and starving, so it feeds your nonexistent baby on your long-term fat stores, fat stores that supposedly would never get touched through exercise or calorie restriction alone.
For 21 days, you take drops three times a day and eat only 500 calories. Lunch and dinner can have 3.5 ounces of lean protein and 2 cups of low carb veggies (although you can eat more low carb veggies at any time during the day). 2 servings of fruit are allowed a day. Coffee, tea, and mineral water are the only beverages allowed. You try to consume very little fat, to the extent that you can’t use oils in your cosmetics (ironic, for me, but more about that another time).
After the 21 days of drops, you do another 21 days of what is basically very strict Paleo. You add back in fat and can eat as much as you like, but you still cannot eat ANY starches (including grains, potatoes, etc) or sugars. After that phase is over, you should continue to eat very low carb for the rest of your life (they suggest 50-60 grams).
When you look at it that way, it doesn’t seem all that unreasonable, no?
As many people are curious about this thang, I will chronicle my journey on xlyssa. I promise most posts won’t be as long as this one 🙂
Day 1 & 2: Just found out there’s a “loading” phase where you’re supposed to eat lots of fat and whole grains. I don’t normally eat this way, so I eat normally but a little bit MORE than usual. Plus two dark chocolate bars. Doesn’t a loading phase just seem a little suspicious?
In hindsight: DAMN I SHOULD HAVE EATEN MORE! I should have ordered a whole Mangia pizza for myself, eaten a few pints of ben & jerry’s, etc. They say you’ll be very hungry the first week if you don’t load enough, and I don’t think I loaded enough. 🙁
Day 3: Breakfast (at noon) out with the fam at Waterloo Ice House. Order two egg whites and one egg, scrambled. Waitress doesn’t blink, and the eggs are delivered. Forget to take the afternoon HCG drops. Am unbearably hungry and eating raw cabbage leaves until I make a giant spinach salad with 3.5 ounces of real crab meat. Finally feel full.
Day 4: Attempt to eat half a grapefruit, as suggested, for breakfast. Grapefruits are nearly impossible to eat! I work for about 20 minutes then give up, 2/3 of 1/2 grapefruit consumed. Coffee. Lots of coffee. Chipotle for lunch, where I order a salad with steak and pico de gallo. Eat half. Pretty sure that’s less than my 3.5 ounce allotment, but I need dinner too. I’m flying from Austin to Aspen, eat the second half of my Chipotle on the plane and am RAVENOUS when I reach Denver. Emergency stop at Panda Express for mixed veggies that look sort of steamed but also are sitting in a suspiciously yellow-ish clear watery solution, so I’m guessing they’re cooked in oil. I eat them anyway. I probably didn’t get enough protein calories anyway, right?
I arrive home for Valentine’s Day and That Ripped Guy of Mine(TM) has MADE chocolate covered strawberries with my favorite chocolate and chilled an expensive bottle of champagne. None of this is HCG approved. I eat 4 celery stalks, 1/2 cup of berries, and toast him with a fiber shake. Gross.
… HCG? It’s not horrible, but it’s certainly not fun or easy.
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