“I deadlift all the time. But lighter.”

I can’t make this kind of thing up. You can also imagine how livid I was when this gym gem occurred recently at the Aspen Club, but I will try to maintain the humorous approach …

I’m working on deficit deadlifts at 245#. Even if you don’t know what that means, just know that is me lifting over 1.5 times my body weight off the ground (while standing on plates, which isn’t normally how you deadlift). I’m alternating with incline bench, and come back to my weight setup to find a random dude lifting my bar.

His personal trainer is a few feet away and says, “He just wanted to try it.”

I smile and say to Pseudo-Deadlifter, “How’d it treat you?”

PD says “I deadlift all the time. But lighter.”

I nod. PD continues, “You better be careful, you’re going to hurt yourself.”

I force a smile and look pointedly over at his trainer.

PD says, “You’re not bending your knees.”

(I am, for the record, and also have a perfectly straight back, which is far more important) I say, “I’m working on a specific part of the lift.” As evidenced by the fact that I’m standing on two plates to get the deficit, if he knew anything.

PD says, “I can tell you don’t believe me, but you’re going to hurt yourself.”

I look at his trainer and raise my eyebrows, and his trainer calls him back over to do some lat pulldowns.

Ten minutes later, they’re standing next to me working on something else and PD says to his trainer, “I think I need to do some deadlifts. They’re good for your butt.”

?!@#$#$*ERG!