Whalet

While environmentalist go-tos like planting trees and trash cleanups may still be in vogue, mankind seems to have forgotten the greatest green activity of all: killing. Backing up that awesome reality, Sruli Recht’s Whalet.

From the design dude behind the knuckle duster’d Umbuster Umbrella, this unique wallet’s made from the skin of Lake Victorian Nile Perch, meaning each one you buy helps the earth, as it helps eliminate a non-indigenous predatory fish that, since its introduction in the 50s, has reportedly driven hundreds of species to extinction or near-extinction, far more than silly humans ever could. Caught by local fishermen in Kenya, Tanzania, and Uganda, the evil brood is then shipped to Iceland to be tanned, whereupon each billfold’s laser-cut from a single piece of skin, folded into shape, and hand-tethered with black oxidized rivets, resulting in a scaly reminder that while there may be plenty of fish in the sea, the easiest way to land one is with money. Included in the price is an optional “hot name branding” monogram, to be slapped on your choice of five hues created via a secretive “coloration process”, including the grayish “psoriasis”, a shiny blue called “frostbite”, and the subdued, pinkish “ultraviolet”, because salmon would have been confusing.

SR’s also peddling a luxuriously phallic model made entirely from that certain part of the whale anatomy, sourced from Minkes legally harvested for sustenance by tribal Icelandic communities — after all, no matter how in touch with age-old sustainability practices a people are, nobody wants to eat whale dork chops.

Scope the line and order up at SruliRecht.com